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Things I Avoid, but Hard to Control...I hate it when... 1:29 p.m. 2005-08-23 Things I Can't Stand that I Have NO Control Over: Waiting at an intersection to cross the street, feeling 100 eyes are staring at you as you push the crosswalk button 15 million times. Yes, they are all looking at YOU. Laughing so hard that you either pee your pants, "spray" your neighbor, or snort like a pig. Running into an old friend on the street, only later to discover that you have a big booger in your nose, a piece of lunch stuck to your teeth, or that your fly or shirt button is open. Or, worse still, noticing the big booger in your friend's nose, or lunch in their teeth, or fly/shirt open, and trying not to stare. Being in your car, at a stop light at night, only to be approached by a street person, tapping your window for cash. Your car breaks down in the middle of the highway, and your cell phone is at home. You are at your restroom at work, and the person before you left a dump. Your sitting on the toilet, and you need to take a dump, but there are other people in there, and you don't want them to hear, so you wait there until they leave, and they NEVER leave. The person that used your toilet last left a mess, and you are afraid that the person who sees you leave the restroom will think it was YOUR mess. The damn toilet seat cover gets stuck to your behind. You leave the public restroom thinking you look pretty "snazzy", but there is a piece of toilet paper clinging to your pumps. You are in line at the supermarket, and the slip under your dress falls to your ankles. You discover you are wearing two different shoes and you are at work or at the store...or any other public place. You are in church, and someone catches you laughing at the old lady wearing the funny hat. You are in church in line for confession, and you hear EVERYTHING the guy is confessing in the booth. You run into a relative who recognizes you and you don't remember his/or name, nor do you know why/how they are related to you. Someone cuts you in line at the grocery store, or the bank, and pretends not to realize it. What do you do? Start a fight or smile and bear it? You are at the grocery store at the check out, and discover that you left your wallet in your other purse at home. You are newly divorced and people are approaching you with that sympathetic "I'm so sorry" look on their faces, saying, "You're still young, you'll find someone else..." Being at a Portuguese festa dance, single, sitting on a folding chair, watching everyone else dance, trying to avoid the "sympathetic glances", and pretending to have a good time. Being on a date, when all you can think about is the big pimple on your date's forehead. Being on a date, thinking of different ways for an escape. Being on a date, wondering if the guy likes you as much as you like him. Being on a date, and listening to how your date misses his exwife/girlfriend...etc... Watching a guy cry and whine, missing his mom, exwife, girlfriend, dog...etc... Being asked "Are you sick?" with a sympathetic grin, after losing 30 unneeded extra pounds. Hearing: "I liked you more when you were a single mom working 3 jobs." Being with "single" friends, hearing their "single" stories, wishing you were at home with hubby. Watching your single friends sucking mouths with complete jerks. Having nothing in common with your single friends, and hiding the fact that you are very happy about it. More to come later..... Coelha@aol.com
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